Republican Girls Gone Wild?

Just in case you haven't encountered anything thus far today that made you want to gouge your eyes out and collapse, ears bleeding, in a fetal position on the floor:



Yep, those rowdy Republican women of the America Show have put out yet another episode. It wouldn't have seemed possible, but I think it may actually be worse than their previous efforts.

Honestly, if this were a trio of pre-teens, I might cringe a little bit, but think it was sweet that they were trying. I'm wondering, however, who does these grown women the disservice of telling them that they're doing anything but completely embarrassing themselves. It's a little cruel. To them, and to us.

Macho, macho man

Shorter Doug Giles: I'm not gay. I'm not. STOP LAUGHING! I'm not gay, and I'll shoot something to prove it!


Above: Doug Giles: Sleek, smooth-chested, and decidedly NOT GAY

This is truly an amazing feat. Mr. Giles has compiled every stereotype he can think of in what I can only assume is a mental checklist he's made of things he should avoid doing. It's kind of sad, really. How many innocent squirrels and possums will have to die before he gets over his self-loathing?

UPDATE: Oh Good Lord, you can view Mr. Giles on YouTube. This one really has it all, including some blatant racism and a singing skunk puppet. Enjoy yourselves:

Conservapedia: Redefining Reality

I'll jump on the bandwagon here, and share my favorite entries from the new Conservapedia, a wiki-based alternative to that evil, secular entity, wikipedia.

I'm sure some of the people who have been editing the Conservapedia are sincere, but I don't think you can convince me that there aren't a large number of liberal smartasses over there writing up entries as satire. Some of the entries are so random and idiotic that I don't think an army of Mark Noonans could have written them up in earnest. Allow me to reproduce the current Conservapedia entry for Vaccine:

A weakened or inactive version of a pathogen that stimulates the body's production of antibodies which can destroy the pathogen.[1].

Older vaccines got rid of smallpox and polio, which was good. Newer vaccines are being developed for use against sexually transmitted diseases (STDs). This is wrong, as it frees children to behave irresponsibly by removing the consequences of their actions. Vaccines against STDs are unnecessary for those who live Godly Christian lives (i.e., practicing monogamy and avoiding use of injected illegal drugs); such diseases are the just punishment of those who are un-Godly. While it is true that such vaccination may prevent infection of innocent lives (for example, a monogamous woman may be infected with AIDS, and pass the disease along to her children, due to a husband's use of drugs before marriage) some amount of loss of innocent life must be accepted as collateral damage for morality.

Pretty funny, if taken from a (darkly) humorous standpoint. Pretty mortifying if they (as a community) feel that it represents their views well enough to let it stand. I wonder what the official biblical line on "collateral damage" is.

I was also a fan of their Ninteenth Amendment [sic] definition:

The right of citizens of the United States to vote shall not be denied or abridged by the United States or by any State on account of sex.

Congress shall have power to enforce this article by appropriate legislation.

In an early example of judicial activism, this amendment was ratified in 1920, as advocates ("suffragettes") cited women's support of World War I to persuade President Woodrow Wilson to change his position from opposing this amendment to supporting it. Women could already vote in many areas of the country, but this amendment guaranteed the right, in violation of the principle of states' rights.

Stupid activist judges. Gave the womens the vote, and look how the country has gone to hell!

There's plenty there ripe for the picking. Some of it was probably even written by people who believe what they wrote. You all have fun with it.

UPDATE: Yep, parody confirmed. A lot of the substance of that "Vaccine" article was written by one "Hiram Whickermeister III". I found this in the comments section of a post over at Pharyngula:

that update was mine, I'm afraid (or that of my Conservapedia userid, Hiram Whickermeister III). The original was all too sciency, so I had to make sure the poor wee conservatives' minds, such as they are, were drawn back to what really matters.
If you liked that, check out my entry for patriotism.
Posted by: Mrs Tilton | February 22, 2007 10:37 AM

Mrs. Tilton, we salute you. May many others follow in your footsteps.

It's official!

R. Porrofatto is the winner of the Atlas photoshop competition with the animated "Rug Lick". Here again, in all its glory:



There were a few more entries that came in after the voting had finished that really deserve to be seen. The first is from Ricardo:



That one leaves me nearly speechless. I wouldn't be surprised to see her appropriate it for her own blog, Ricardo.

The next two are from the The Culture Ghost:





Hmmm... a Pam made of Spam...

Anyway, R. Porrofatto, if you get in touch with me, we'll figure out your prize. A CD off of an Amazon wishlist maybe? A box of Rugelach? (R's joke, not mine, by the way) Shoot me an e-mail and we'll get it sorted.

PS: For anyone dying to see all the entries, you can click here.

Pencils down!

Errr... times up! Or something.

It's now noon on Friday, so voting is officially over in the Atlas Photoshop challenge. I need to double check my e-mail, to make sure that I haven't missed any votes, but things are looking awfully good for Rug Lick.

While I'm counting up voting results on my fingers (and toes!), and sorting out prizey things, I'll give you all something else to be entertained by. Via the Artist Formerly Known As Juanita Herownself, a (Republican) member of the Texas House is circulating a Georgia Lawmaker's memo challenging evolution on the grounds that, well:

Indisputable evidence – long hidden but now available to everyone – demonstrates conclusively that so-called 'secular evolution science' is the Big Bang, 15-billion-year, alternate 'creation scenario' of the Pharisee Religion," writes Mr. Bridges, a Republican from Cleveland, Ga. He has argued against teaching of evolution in Georgia schools for several years.

The whole story in the Dallas Morning News is well worth a read. And when you're done there, go to the Fixed Earth website to learn even more about how evolution and the notion that the earth is in motion around the sun are a lie.

Disclaimer: I am hoping that the Fixed Earth site is parody, but have been unable to find good evidence that it is. I am not responsible for anything you spit on your keyboard if you follow the link to their site.

Atlas: The reckoning

Before this blog fades back into well-deserved obscurity, I suppose I should hold the vote for the winner of the Atlas Photoshop Challenge. I'm still undecided on a prize, so maybe you can continue suggestions in the comments section below.

Gavin M. has requested that he not be included in the voting, so that makes your choices (in the order they were received):

-----
scarshapedstar, with Corn Dog Atlas



Clif, with the Atlas Crack Ho Down



Julie_O, with the Atlas: The Gathering



Anonymous, with Vampire Atlas



tigrismus, with Baldy Dreams of Peace



Liberal Avenger, with the (technically not PS'd) Zombie Pam and Spit or Swallow dual entry





R. Porrofatto, with Rug Lick



Banana Slug, with "John knew right then that his "Moustache Rides 25 Cents" T-shirt had failed him again"



A late entry into the fray, Ricardo, with The Silence of the Atlas



And another new entry from Joe at American Leftist, titled "Mind Meld"



(Update) Comandante Agi submits "The Intelligently Designed Banana: Atlas Juggs vs. Ray Comfort " for your consideration


-----

To put you in voting mood, here's an Atlas video that she's titled: "Atlas IInterviews Jeb Bush"



If by "iinterview", she meant "ask an insane question that he couldn't get away from fast enough", then yes, yes indeed she did.

I'm not going to be delusional enough to set stringent voting rules, since this is Blogger and anyone who wanted to game the vote could. Cast your vote either in comments or via e-mail, and Friday at noon I'll total the votes and declare a winner. If you choose to vote in comments, please pick a username that isn't anonymous, so we can at least pretend we're trying to do this fairly.

Again, if you have a suggestion for a prize (a graphic for the winner's blog, an actual atlas, an old ratty copy of an Ayn Rand book, pie), please let me hear it in comments. And you kids play nice. After all, we're all united against a common enemy here.

(P.S. - Everyone is encouraged to vote, even if you're new around these parts. Join the fun!)

More Atlas-mania

Whew. I just got off the ice after my first hockey practice following a long layoff. I may be in the worst shape of my adult life at the moment, so while I sit here and focus on holding down my Powerade, I'll let other people entertain you all.

The Liberal Avenger gives us two images, but I'm not sure they've actually been Photoshopped. She may just look that bad in a screen cap. The first is entitled "Pam as a Zombie"



Mmmm.... Brains....

The second from the Liberal Avenger is titled (Sorry, Mom, I didn't name it, but I would hate to interfere with anyone's art) "Pam: Spit or Swallow"



Wow. That's just... Yeah.

I have one more fabulous entry that I've received via e-mail, and it's really very good, but it's a .mov file, and Blogger won't let me do it. It's only 92 kb... so, would someone who isn't limited by Blogger be willing to host the image for me? I promise it's worth it. (Alternatively, if someone can convert a quicktime file to an animated .gif, I think that would work as well).

Keep them coming, everyone! Tomorrow we'll see about selecting some finalists.

UPDATE!!

A lovely soul has converted R.Porrofatto's entry to an animated .gif for me. Here we go:



Tasty.

And, keeping with the Bolton theme Banana Slug sends us this:



Quoth Banana Slug: "It is titled simply: John knew right then that his "Moustache Rides 25 Cents" T-shirt had failed him again.".

It's not too late to send in an entry guys, so feel free to either comment with a link, or e-mail me your entry!

Atlastastic!

We're getting some fabulous efforts in the our Photoshop Challenge. Here are the latest:

Clif has come up with this little number:



As someone who lives in a crackhouse (No, really! Ask anyone who's been here!), I find this deeply offensive. OK, no I don't (find it offensive, that is). Nice job, Clif!

Julie_O provides us with an Atlas trading card:



I'd say that will be a collector's item in no time. Is that her rookie card?

Via e-mail, anonymous offers up a subtle reworking:



I was unaware that harpies could become vampires, but I like it.

Also, tigrismus gives us: "Baldy Dreams of Peace"



It's a dream world for us all, tigrismus.

Wow, I'm getting enough entries that I should actually consider things like "judging" and "prizes". Any (reasonable) suggestions, anyone?

UPDATE I've added in another batch of entries here.

For whom the harpy shrieks....

Sometimes things will sneak up on you. Ages ago, I did this post, suggesting a group effort to assist google in delivering the best possible result for the search term shrieking harpy. It took some time, but I'm pleased to say that the effort has been largely successful. Many thanks to all who have helped.

To celebrate, I'd like to continue to take advantage of everyone else's skills, and have a wee photoshop contest. My photoshop ability is lacking, but I've got something of a knack for freezing YouTube at just the right time to get a good screenshot. So, if I provide the raw material, I'd love to see what you all can do with it. I'll give you a few options:

Option 1: The Air Quotes of Evil


Option 2: A Taste of Atlas


Option 3: Atlas Chokes


If you want to play, please put a link to your effort in the comments. For those of you who aren't photoshop inclined, but still want to snark, feel free to write your own captions.

There may even be prizes involved. I won't say for sure, but if you kids are really good, there might be a tasty treat in it for you...

UPDATE! The talented Gavin M. e-mails with his entry:



I think we'll call it "Atlas interviews the president and former UN ambassador John Bolton".

ANOTHER UPDATE!! scarshapedstar chimes in with a Powerline augmentation:



UPDATED AGAIN!!! Even more great entries, which I've put in a new post, here. Keep 'em coming, kids!

AND AGAIN!!1!!1!! The hits just keep on coming. Click here for still another batch of entries.

THE UPDATE TO END ALL UPDATES!!! Go here to see all the entries and vote!

Boston's Aqua Teen Hunger Pangs Continue...

Just to make yesterday's events in Boston seem more bizarre, now there's this footage of a post-arraignment press conference (of sorts) with the two men charged with, well, terrorizing the city with Lite-Brites.



I'm guessing you'd have to be pretty confident that the charges were baseless (the judge seems to agree), to put on that kind of a show for the cameras.

In other news, our friends at 3Bulls ponder the terrorist threat posed by other retro toys. Chilling.