Shorter (and then longer) Dr. Mike Adams, Ph.D.

Homie-phobia:

My Philanthropic Friends—It is my painful duty to address some words to you this evening, on the Rights of Negroes.

Oh crap. My bad. That wasn’t Mike Adams, that was actually Thomas Carlyle, opening a vile racist screed from 1853. Not a hard mistake to make though, really.

AND NOW... LONGER DR. MIKE

Adams’ actual column might have something of a point, if it didn’t use ridiculously stereotypical (and probably fabricated) examples. Which is to say: Holding someone to a lower standard for whatever reason isn’t going to challenge them to excel.

But the examples are ridiculous. Let’s start with this one:

A teacher once told me about a student who walks around campus with a comb in his afro, a jam box on his shoulder, and a pair of jeans falling off his butt leaving six inches of his boxers exposed to the public. Unsurprisingly, the teacher thinks his appearance is working to his detriment.

My dear God, have you ever heard of such apparel on a college campus? The scandal of it all! I feel faint!

Seriously, I’ve spent quite a bit of time on college campuses, and I can’t think of any profs who have made a habit of commenting on their students’ attire. But then, most of them aren’t silly enough to assume that what you’re wearing when you stagger in to an 8 AM class is the same outfit you’d pick out for a job interview.

Moving on, let’s look at another:

I’m thinking, too, of a professor who has a bit of a problem keeping his affections for female students in check while in the classroom. The problem gets a lot worse when he sucks down a few drinks. In fact, he can be seen slobbering all over coeds in public on any given weekend.

His argument here is that no one is willing to say anything about this behavior because the professor is black, an argument that might make my eyes roll a little less if academia had a rich history of curtailing this kind of thing in white professors (of either gender).

He also uses an example of a university employee who is known to be committing a crime, but no one is willing to prosecute him for this, because he is black. Right. Because prosecutors (especially in the South!) have a long history of shying away from cases involving individuals with darker complexions. I remember reading that somewhere.

Anyway, Adams tortures a few other straw-examples on his way to his major thesis, which is apparently that not calling out people of another race for their all their flaws, for fear of people labeling you a racist, is itself racist.

I’m going to read this as generously as I can, and assume that Dr. Mike is not, in fact, pompous enough to think he knows what’s best for an entire race. Rather, I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt, and assume that he points out every flaw he can find in everyone else, regardless of race. This would, of course, excuse him on charges of racism, but not on charges of being a self-righteous pain in the ass.


BONUS ADVICE FOR DR. MIKE - About this:

We’ve all heard of the concept of “homophobia,” which I argue contributes to stereotypes of gays as hypersensitive and emotionally unstable. Maybe it’s time to talk about a thing I call “homie-phobia” and how it hurts our perceptions of black males in the age of “tolerance” and “diversity.”

Far be it from me to interfere with you making yourself look like a tool, but if you’re going to try to appear clever by co-opting outdated slang for your own purposes, you might consider checking to see if you actually got there first. The Urban Dictionary entry for Homey-phobia might have helped you in this case.